Goodbye 2009. You were a chaotically hectic year for me filled with dizzy highs and almost crippling lows. I think I cried more the past twelve months than I have in years and I'm kind of grateful to see the back of you. Even if you were also the herald of what will hopefully end up being a brighter new beginning.

2010... please be gentle.

Happy New Years to all! I hope everyone is drunk by now or well on their way! Uh... unless your not legal to drink >> Then no alcohol for you.

I've just spent the last 6-7 hours filling out worksheets I need to hand in tomorrow.

That's 6-7 hours of converting binary to decimal to hexadecimal to BCD to gray's code, doing binary addition and subtraction, calculating 1's and 2's compliment in negative binary numbers, representing binary fractions in fixed point and floating point representation, checking parity and hamming codes and then discussing the merits of one over the other...

This is such a huge step away from graphic design and all I am used to, that I don't think a giant on stilts would be able to take make it. But although my brain is struggling to cope with it after several years of idling on standby, I think it's slowly coming around.

I just wish using my brain like this didn't hurt so much. It feel's like I've pulled a few synapses or something.

Reason 981,092,834 why my job sucks:
I only have three more working days left before I'm going back to college full-time, and I can't sleep because -despite my efforts to the contrary- I'm stressing over projects that I can't do anything about.
I only have three more days! I shouldn't care!

Surely Computing can't be more difficult than what I'm currently doing. Seriously.

In other news, Disney is buying Marvel? What? D:
I- I don't even know how that works.

And in closing, I get FF Dissidia on Friday.
Yay!

Between doing projects for work from home as my brain turns to liquid in my head, ( I made FFVII art. )
Now, I think I need more asprin, tea and a nap.

Boss rang late this evening and apologised for this morning- but only becasue he wants me to work from home tomorrow.

I am the only employee there who is ever asked to work from home >8(

But I agreed. A truce has once again been made between us. I just hope he doesn't expect anything too complicated from me tomorrow because thinking is pretty difficult thing to achieve right now.

Rang in sick. Boss gave... out to me on the phone over it?

He also demanded I get a doctors cert for it- which is bullshit. It's one day (so far, hopefully this fun nausia ride won't last much longer) and I don't have to give him anything unless I'm out for three.

I swear he's a weird, weird man. He'll deal with big problems fine, but then when it comes to small things -that are more an inconvenience than anything else he'll pick at them and make them into a huge fucking deal.

Gah! And now I'm upset and sick.

Fuck. Maybe I won't go in tomorrow just on principle.

I don't know whether I want to get sick or pass out. It's a difficult choice.
Though I think I'll settle for lying down and holding onto the mattress until the world stops tilting.

( I am not happy becasue bad annoying things keep repeating themselves )

Another annoyance that has bothered me recently is the fact that I can't download the demo of Dissidia for my PSP. I does not appear to be avilable for Europe >:( I find this highly unfair.

I did managed to finally get my sweaty paws on the FFVII download though. I've been playing it at work during lunch :D It's like the most fantastic thing ever. It took 5 hours for me to download it through my PSP though and that makes me wonder how this PSP Go business is going to work out. I assume it is much faster to download games through the PS3 and install the through the PSP that way, but I'm not going to be buying a PS3 anytime soon and it bothers me that they've made obtaining games though their online store so very awkward with the PSP.

In fact I'm embarrassed to admit how long it too me to figure out I had to use my PSP to download games. I was on my laptop for ages, filling out various registration forms and pulling at my hair when I ended up at the same pages continually. If Sony really want the PSP Go to work, they're going to have to streamline their delivery a lot more than that.

Or else they are relying on the PS3 to do that for them.

:(

I was in France but... now I'm back :D

While there I finally got time (i.e.. built up the courage) to finish Final Fantasy VII : Crisis Core.

;______;

It took longer than expected to reach the end actually. When I restated my game I was just going on the Nibelheim mission and I pretty much expected everything to go to hell there so I basically pumped Zack full of performance enhancing materia and went in sword swinging-

-but nooo. There was a bit more to it then that >>

I was hoping it would all happen quickly, like swiping of a band-aid as fast as possible so it only hurts for a second... but the game drew it all out slowly and painfully. I kept telling my sister that I was probably going to cry my eyes out when I got to the end of it. I hoped that by doing so, I would know that she'd expect me to, and so I wouldn't? (If that makes any sense) But my plan failed. I cried. I cried a lot. It's kind of embarrassing really but, god I've loved those characters for how many years? It's hardly surprising.

And of course as soon as it was all over, I had to restart a new game straight away so I could see Zack alive again and found- hey! All my mastered materia is here :D

Then I downloaded the original FFVII for my PSP and I'm playing that again too.

I think I'm in love with it all over again.... again.

I think I'll probably have to play through Crisis Core again though just to figure out what was going on most of the time. I mean... I sort of phased out whenever Genesis showed up and started quoting Loveless over and over and-

Zack: *to Genesis towards the end of the game* Hmph. Loveless again?

Me: OF COURSE IT IS YOU PORCUPINE HEADED NUMBSKULL. When has he ever NOT QUOTED LOVELESS? AGHAGSKJHLSKA!!!!

So, in closing, Cloud is absolutely adorable and I want to wrap him up in bubble wrap and transport him to an alternate reality where nothing bad happens right now.

Cloud: I am your... legacy?

*cries*

I got offered a college place today and just accepted it.
I'm going back.

Also today I was called for an interview for a part-time graphic design position which, if I get, moght actually allow me to both go to college and eat instead of it being an either/or situation.

Hopefully this is a good sign.

:D

I think my nerves are shot. Really. I've noticed that on and off for the past two weeks I'll suddenly get a bout of unexplained nervousness and anxiety. Sometimes this also comes with with palpitations.

I'm not enjoying it.

The worst part is it's happening completely randomly. It's happening now and I'm only getting ready to go to sleep and there is no reason for it. Dear brain, the stressful situation was two weeks ago. Chill!

Unless... this is my subconscious mulling over how screwed I'm going to be in three months when I give up work, cross my fingers and hope for the best~

Except the thought of that is actually relaxing.

:(

I'm just only after remembering today that I'm going to be in France in two weeks time @_@;; I only remembered this because today my boss asked me in private how I was planning to spend the two weeks off.

I suspect the reason he asked was because he was planning on asking me not to take all of the holidays I'd booked and/or ask me to work some portion of them. This makes me make this face= D:{ Sure I joked about being irriplaceable before but it's starting to get a bit ridiculous now that it's turning out to be the case.

Especially when they didn't give me my raise.

Boo. *shakes fist* Wait 'til I get a degree in software development. That'll show em!

And obviously I told my boss I'd be in France for the whole two weeks, without any internet access and with my phone turned off.

(Though I'm pretty sure I will have the internet there ;P)

(...I'd better 8|)

Final Fantasy VII is finally available fro download in Europe for the PSP! \o/ It's the one game I have desperately wished to have on the thing since I bought it... how many years ago? Was it four? @_@;;

And of course I would only find out it was available for purchase online the day after I had to cancel my credit card because someone online -who wasn't me- was trying to use it >>

What a cruel cruel world this is!

*shakes fist at the sky*

How will I survive a week without my credit card nooooooow?!?!??????

The thought of going back to college, to the place that wore me down to such a level that come weekend and holidays I was so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted that I could do little except shuffle around my parents house like zombie for several days, fills me with a mix of excitement, anticipation and a healthy dose of dread.

( An update that turned into an introspective rant. What else is new? )

In Kenmare at the moment, on the far west side of our fair little country, and have to admit the scenery here is beautiful. I have a tendency to overlook how scenic Ireland actually is. I guess I'm kind of spoilt from growing up in the countryside and having a fabulous view out the kitchen window whenever I looked. You stop seeing it after a while. But honestly, the scenery here is even better again.

When it's sunny that is. It's raining now and I'm back to cursing this country for it's climate.


Going to breakfast now and then attempting to drive around and find interesting things to do in horrible weather.

>>> SYSTEM ERROR_
>>> Initialising TOTAL RL EVALUATION Protocol_
>>> Please standby_
>>> Reviewing Current RL status_
>>> ...
>>> Analysis complete_
>>> IMMEDIATE ACTION REQUIRED_
>>> Further Education required to pursue Current Career Objectives_
>>> Return to Further Education? N/Y_
>>> n
>>> Current Carreer Objectives unattanable with Current System Configuration_
>>> TOTAL CAREER REBOOT REQUIRED_
>>> Execute CAREER REBOOT command? N/Y_
>>> y
>>> REBOOT in progress_
>>> ...
>>> REBOOT sucessful_
>>> Please input Current Career Objective_
>>> software development
>>> Full-time Education required_
>>> Apply for Full-time Education? N/Y_
>>> y
>>> Absence of Full-time Employment required_
>>> Leave Full-time Employment? N/Y_
>>> ... y
>>> Change of Accommodation required_
>>> Change Accomodation? N/Y_
>>> y
>>> TOTAL CAREER CHANGEOVER COMPLETE

+++

In other words, I've been busy the past few months figuring everything out, but come next week I should be back in action.

Booya!

I had a mental breakdown at work today. It was epic and fantastic.
After this, I was told I wouldn't be getting the raise I was told I'd be getting. Awesome. (The lack of raise was not because I collapsed into a PATHETIC BALL OF TEARS however. It was due to the current economic climate of 'FUCK YOU OVER'. That's the official term. I'm sure of it.)

So, if I end up not getting the job I've applied for in Kildare that has been stalled for the past three months, I'm thinking of going to New Zealand or Canada for a year. Thoughts? Opinions?

I think I'm on far too much medication right now.

Dear MSN,

I honestly don't understand this anymore. I've upgraded my laptop for you, I opened up ports on my router for you, I changed my firewall settings for you and yet still I receive nothing but your contempt and refusal to log in for me. The only reason I can instant message at all at this point is through using the 'connect via http' option on Adium, and we both know how unreliable that tends to be.

Is it the Mac thing? Is that why you hate me? Is that why you refuse to co-operate?

I know I said I would change. I was going to get a Dell for you, I really was... but we both know I would have always resented you for forcing me to make that choice. I can't change who I am, and I can't change for you either. I've accepted that you're a Windows based application, I've accepted all your faults, your history, and all the glitchy baggage you come with, so why can't you just accept this one thing?

Please, don't make me buy anti-virus software just so I can run you off my Windows Vista partition.

Yours always,

Caroltrue